Grumblings...

I have a cold. I hate colds. You aren't really sick and you aren't really well. I hate colds.

I read a really interesting book and I think it will colour my world for a while now. It is called The Third Secret and I would recommend it to everyone but especially the silly clergy who think they are all that, "snap".

I hate February too. Everyone I ever loved died in February it seems. February is a crappy month. I read a poem once on a little child who was standing at a window, one hand on it as the drops of water trickled down. The next day she was dead. It was a February poem.

Caleb's been "helping" again which means he is stressed to the max. Some girl this time. Well it's usually some girl. No, not that way lol, he's a gay boy and girls are not on the menu but he chats with them and then when they don't want to hear the truth of things he gets stressed. He should just not bother.

I don't anymore.

People will do what they want anyway so why get your knickers in a twist ove them? When they wake up one morning alone, old and hurting maybe they will figure it all out. Doubtful.

I need coffee but I hadn't done anything here since long ago so thought I would at least write something even if it is pissie. LOLOLOL

Confused...

...I feel like such a horrid person right now and have for the last few weeks,well months. Nothing to do with the Top though so she's safe.

We get big Brother here too you see. A show that I detest for what it stands for which is really shitty tv.

Most reality shows are just that but BB seems to be a step or two ahead of the crowd and frankly I think only sad, lonely, stupid people watch it but that's just me.

There was this woman on one of them, just don't ask me which one, and she recently died of cancer. Cervical cancer. She was 27 and left behind two little boys five and four.

At first I was appalled and chalked it up to her being Essex and all for the publicity covering her ordeal. Pictures of Jade loosing her hair, lying in hospital, in wheelchairs flooded the media here.

It was really to much.

Then she married a guy during this and he was tethered because of fighting. Ho hum typical Jade.

But then I read that she was doing all of this so her kids,her little boys would never want. I felt really bad then but still had her annoying big mouth going around in my head. For a while it was Jade this and Jade that on the television and believe me I didn't care for her trips around the world, he mothers make over etc.

Now though she is dead. He funeral is set for the fourth of April and I am left with feelings I don't want to understand.

Ah yes, physician heal thyself.

I won't say I will miss her because that would be ludicrous. I didn't know the woman and to be honest the television will be safe again.

I will say that I think it's a crying shame that so young a woman with small sons had to die. All she needed to do was going for annual pap smears and maybe this could have been prevented. It should open the British woman's eyes to having them done, especially if she is sexually active with a man.

Look that one up ladies.

So I am angry at the NHS, angry at Jade, angry at myself. Screaming might help but a spanking would be even better.

WHAT!!!!

Yes they do work for this type of feeling too, they aren't just for naughtiness in our house. Occasionally I need one to get over the way I am feeling.

Not that I'm not going to get one tonight because my lovely Top has decided twice a week is good until the time for them to stop comes along. I wonder if she's been talking to Adam? I should stop that too shouldn't I?

Speaking of have you been reading those stories!!!! My GOD!!! Will they never stop? I am going crosseyed.

A Few Thoughts...

It's Monday and the Top's first day back to real work. I guess mine too. I found this one blog on here that I thought might be interesting but nah, just the same ol' same ol'. You'd think that in all the world there would be more couples out there that are like us.

I don't mean the husband spanking his wife and then screwing her brains out types or the bratty types. I mean the serious ones who want more from their relationship than a smack on the ass and a romp in the sack.

When Sarah and I first thought seriously about this a lot of people compared us to the fictional characters of Rangers but as time has gone by we have found we so are not. Yes she is a control freak but in a nice way. Most of the time I am happy to let her get on with things.

It's when I'm not that problems arise for us and there have been times when I yank those reins away and won't give them back.

Like all relationships ours has its ups and downs but the downs upon reflection are usually due to me. There just can't be more chiefs than Indians as the saying goes. In fiction that is so easy to do because you are only spending a finite amount of time in their world and they aren't real. In real life it's more work. Characters are based on our own personalities and our own perception of the world, what we learned growing up.

In psych they teach us that a child's whole future is determined by the time they are four years old so anything you want to impart to your progeny do it before then. Anything after is up for grabs.

Four was a bad year for me and most likely set the scene for how my life was shaped. At four I was spanked within an inch of my life. I don't remember it but then I don't remember a lot of that year. I am told about it. I refused something and my dad went a bit overboard. To make this brief I ended up not talking and in a child psychologists office for a year. So perhaps my take on spanking and authority is skewed.

I do know that I can never see how it can be sexual, fun or something sought after as though it were the golden apple. I do not find it a fun past time or a relaxing endeavor. Like some I tend to smile when I am nervous or upset but that is also learned behaviour. How could anyone possibly want to hurt someone who smiles at them? My Top has learned to ignore it.

I found this particular test interesting though and as I thought about the percentages (hers, not mine) I began to see a little better into myself. I am always up for that. Insight is a grand thing!

You Scored as Discipline Spanko
Spanking for you is no laughing matter. It's an effective means of maintaining order and decorum. A sore bottom is a small price to pay for a valuable lesson.
Discipline Spanko--------100%

(Now this makes perfect sense to me as I look back at myself and how I have been for the main part of my life. Even when I "played" at spanking games in my head as a child they were always discipline ones. Not for fun.)

Mental Health Spanko--------92%

(As a psychologist this is amazing to me. I have always known that if I am spanked when I am sad or feeling neglected or put upon it does wonders for me. In part it is due to the chemicals released during a spanking. The other part is the crying. )

Pain-toy Spanko--------67%

(I really have no idea what this means. If it is a BDSM term then I should look it up lol. I do have a high pain threshold though and it sometimes takes a lot to make me cry.)

Sensual Spanko--------33%

(Sensual for me is not the same as sex. So here I would have to use my own feelings. Sensual can be crisp clean bedding for me. Certain pyjamas that I dearly love. Depending on the implement used yes, it could be considered sensual. The feel of wood vs. leather type of thing.)

Brat Spanko--------25%

(At first I was confused by this one. Then the light bulb came on and I had to laugh. I am a brat but not bratty. The first fictional character that came to mind was Rolf. He is bratty which I find disturbing in an adult. It is more something that I would expect from an age player. My Top will tell you that there are times when I act like a child, think like a child and it is still a part of me. But for the main I am quite capable of being what is considered adult.)

Submissive Spanko--------8%

(No shit Sherlock. I am not submissive and would never enjoy that type of thing. Just the idea of it rankles me.)

Post Chaos...

Well the tree is down, the decorations are put away for another year and I am having the beginnings of post Christmas blues. It happens every year and I should be used to it by now but nope, still gets me unawares.

Time for the chocolate and cookie sprees.

We did have a lovely Christmas though. We started on the Eve and opened a few presents. Hard to believe that all those books fit under than tree, LOL, but they did. Sarah was Santa this year and she did a smashing job of it too. We took breaks to eat and watch movies and listen to music so it lasted a while.

Christmas day came and we opened the rest and had breakfast. It's very quiet around here during this time of year as nothing is open. It's very weird to know that all the shops are closed and that everyone is trying their best to help those who do have to work have their time too. Unfortunately people still are sick, having babies etc.

Today we took our cats in for their yearly and all is well with them too. Our foundling from two doors down brought us a gift this morning to, bless him. Although we don't usually have mouse on the menu.

Tonight I am making fajitas and paella for tea and right now the top is sleeping. I know this because she is snoring lololol.

We are supposed to be having the next door people over sometime before the new year and also the couple across the road. They are a very nice pair and have cats too. I love to watch them together. Is that weird? For some reason they remind me of me and Sarah lol.

I do not expect to see any of the males until later on but you never know. They have a tendency to just pop in.

Well, I suppose that is really all I have to say right now.

a real life brat (not a copy)!

Christmas...

Such a busy time! We have not gotten all of our decorations up yet, it makes me frantic! It seems to happen every year so I should be used to it.

What is Christmas really? I could be cynical or I could be joyful and since I don't really know which I am feeling I will be both, so there.

Celebrities

Since she first began her career I have followed her. Period. I don't judge her or make fun of her or anything that the world at large seems to think is the thing to do. I have enjoyed her music and that is that. Who is she? Britney of course.

She began at 17 on a solo flight into madness and craziness but that was years, two babies and two husbands down the road. When she finally had the dream she had sought I cheered her on but in the back of my mind was always the Justin/Britney hook up that was back in the day and how if they had been regular types they might of made it.

A few people told me to not let kids listen to her because she promoted abuse but lets get real here people, she was 17 and the slang of Louisiana might not of been the slang of where ever others were.

She was criticised for the belly shirts and low riders but what happened? Everyone wore them! They say the greatest form of respect is flattery so what does that really tell us?

Being a psychologist and looking at things differently than others and a lot of my fellows too, I sit back and let the world make its harsh judgements on others and how they live their lives, it is not part of my job description. Not that I am pure as the snow because I can be as catty as the next when the mood strikes me but I am also willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt.

Back to my girl though. She went a little bonkers for a while but now she is back on track and I do hope that she stays there. She is older now, 27 soon, and wiser for her past mistakes and bloopers. More than can be said of some of us I think.

She was quite candid on that talk she did here and she even got a standing ovation on XFactor so that shows the British public is willing to forgive. More than our fellows across the pond are willing to do.

It had to be hard on her growing up as she did virtually a child actor. She began on the Mickey Mouse Club show as a Mousekateer (I know that is spelled wrong but is it even a word?) and went on to do solo soon after.

Give the girl a break and encouragement for being brave enough to do this on her own instead of with a group of people around her. I love Britney and I love her songs but one and that is Slave. I think it must of been a submissive time for her that she has gotten over.

Her newest song that I have heard is called Piece of Me and it is great! I love it.

Go ahead and diss her if you must but while you are doing that think about this. She walked out on a stage with thousands looking at her and sang, she performed at the MTV awards and the American Music Awards and walked off with trophies from both. She has given birth to two babies, gone a little nuts and pulled herself up by her bootstraps when they were taken and after two failed marriages.

Brit deserves the respect for what she has accomplished.