Confused...

...I feel like such a horrid person right now and have for the last few weeks,well months. Nothing to do with the Top though so she's safe.

We get big Brother here too you see. A show that I detest for what it stands for which is really shitty tv.

Most reality shows are just that but BB seems to be a step or two ahead of the crowd and frankly I think only sad, lonely, stupid people watch it but that's just me.

There was this woman on one of them, just don't ask me which one, and she recently died of cancer. Cervical cancer. She was 27 and left behind two little boys five and four.

At first I was appalled and chalked it up to her being Essex and all for the publicity covering her ordeal. Pictures of Jade loosing her hair, lying in hospital, in wheelchairs flooded the media here.

It was really to much.

Then she married a guy during this and he was tethered because of fighting. Ho hum typical Jade.

But then I read that she was doing all of this so her kids,her little boys would never want. I felt really bad then but still had her annoying big mouth going around in my head. For a while it was Jade this and Jade that on the television and believe me I didn't care for her trips around the world, he mothers make over etc.

Now though she is dead. He funeral is set for the fourth of April and I am left with feelings I don't want to understand.

Ah yes, physician heal thyself.

I won't say I will miss her because that would be ludicrous. I didn't know the woman and to be honest the television will be safe again.

I will say that I think it's a crying shame that so young a woman with small sons had to die. All she needed to do was going for annual pap smears and maybe this could have been prevented. It should open the British woman's eyes to having them done, especially if she is sexually active with a man.

Look that one up ladies.

So I am angry at the NHS, angry at Jade, angry at myself. Screaming might help but a spanking would be even better.

WHAT!!!!

Yes they do work for this type of feeling too, they aren't just for naughtiness in our house. Occasionally I need one to get over the way I am feeling.

Not that I'm not going to get one tonight because my lovely Top has decided twice a week is good until the time for them to stop comes along. I wonder if she's been talking to Adam? I should stop that too shouldn't I?

Speaking of have you been reading those stories!!!! My GOD!!! Will they never stop? I am going crosseyed.