Unless you have been there you really haven't any idea of what it's like; not really. Maybe you "role play" on IM or in a group online but even that can't compare to the real thing.
It's not even really butterflies, it's more than that. I cannot imagine what my brat friend in the states goes through on Wednesdays. He must be in knots by the time he gets home.
It's not all the time either. Only every so often when I remember. My palms break out in a sweat, my stomach comes alive, my eyes tear up and over what you are asking (or not).
Living in a discipline relationship is not always easy. It takes a lot of work and a lot of talking or in some cases (like me) writing to get the job done.
We had fallen into a bad habit and along the way my Top had seemed to give up. I can't imagine how that made her feel and for that I am truly sorry.
A few weeks ago I sat down at the computer and wrote her a letter. Yes, I did because I am much better at saying it on paper than I am in person. For some reason unless I am dealing with what I consider a peer or beneath me (that sounds pompous doesn't it?) I get tongue tied or have brain farts and can't think.
So we embarked on a new and improved discipline relationship and I must say I think it might be working better!
I haven't had the stomach flutters in a long long time or the sweaty hands so that is a good sign.
There is a certain calmness to it all that helps too. The certainty of knowing it will actually happen and that is a vast improvement.
Yes, I am pushing the buttons right now and testing the waters so to speak but that should be expected by both of us. I'm pretty much seeing how things will be handled from now on and so far I'm impressed.
No comments:
Post a Comment